Murphy's Law Read online

  “He hasn’t told me anything about his past,” Sara said, remembering the night she went into his bedroom and ended up almost making love to him. “The scars aren’t from a car accident?”

  “No. He received those when he was captured and held prisoner for nine months. All the military would tell us was he survived quite an ordeal and was awarded a medal of honor before retiring. I have to admit, I haven’t seen Jon this grouchy in a long time. I think we have you to thank for that.”

  “Me?” Sara squeaked, her mind churning with what Justine had just told her. Murphy had been a prisoner? Those scars…her heart squeezed.

  Justine smiled. “Yeah, you have him tied in knots and he doesn’t know what to do about it. I think you scare the breath out of him.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re forcing him to join the land of the living again and he’s fighting his feelings for you.”

  Her cheeks heated. “I never meant to open old wounds within the family.”

  “You didn’t. You brought Jon home so we can finally have him back. After he was released from the hospital, he disappeared. He packed his things, apologized and drove away. We’ve hardly heard from him since.”

  “Maybe he just needed time to heal.” The thought of someone hurting Murphy made her heart ache. “He’s very proud.”

  “Well, now that he’s back we aren’t going to let him go again.”

  “He’s very lucky to have all of you.”

  “You have us too,” Justine murmured. “So, tell me about how you happened to find my brother clear up in the mountains. I know there’s a good story in there somewhere.”

  “He didn’t tell you?” Sara asked, grateful for the change in subject.

  “Oh, he told us all right, in his own, edited way. I want to hear your version.”

  Sara smiled and leaned in. She and Murphy did have a story, she supposed. If she hadn’t stumbled across his cabin that night, she would have lost Abby forever.

  Chapter 12

  Justine’s words haunted her at dinnertime. Sara stared at Murphy and his scar and thought of the cruelties done to him. He didn’t deserve such brutal treatment. No one did.

  He looked up and met her eyes. She had seen so little of him since their arrival, the intensity of his gaze made her stomach flip-flop. She wanted to get him alone so they could talk. They needed to discuss so many things, she didn’t know where to begin. She wished he would confide in her about his scars and make amends with his family. They cared about him, just wanted to help him through it, and so did she. She missed him.

  Conversation continued around them, but Sara didn’t notice. She was caught in Murphy’s stare and he didn’t seem to be in any hurry to let her go. She couldn’t read his thoughts, but she did notice the heat that suddenly flared and dropped her fork on her plate with a loud clatter. Heat crept up her neck into her cheeks as she forced her eyes away and took a drink of iced tea. She glanced up to see Alice looking from her to Murphy and wanted to crawl under the table. Had Murphy’s mother seen the look he gave her? She certainly hoped not.

  “Jon, why don’t you saddle up a couple horses and take Sara out for a ride,” Alice suggested. “She hasn’t seen the rest of the ranch yet.”

  “I was going to ride out to the north fence and do some repairs. She can ride along.”

  Her face flamed beneath Murphy’s direct gaze. “No, that’s okay. I’ve never been on a horse in my life. I wouldn’t want to slow you down.” Maybe he’d let the subject drop.

  “Nonsense, dear, you can ride Maude. She’s as gentle as they come. She’ll give you a good ride. Abby and I have a date with Candy Land and a bowl of homemade ice cream tonight.”

  Sara had planned on playing with them. Maybe Alice hadn’t noticed the heat between her and Murphy. She wouldn’t be pushing them together if she had.

  Murphy pushed his empty plate away and stood. “You coming?” he asked her, with a hint of challenge.

  Meeting his challenge, she said, “Yes.”

  “Be at the barns in fifteen minutes.”

  Alice smiled after he strode out of the room. “It’ll do you good to get out of the house for awhile. And don’t worry about Abby, she’ll be in good hands.”

  “Let me help clean up--”

  “Nope, you go on down. The girls can help me with dishes.”

  MaryAnn and Justine shooed her out of the room and Sara got the feeling they were all in cahoots. Even James and Paul were grinning when she walked out of the dining room. They couldn’t possibly see her attraction for Murphy, could they? No, she and Murphy steered clear of each other, there was nothing to see.

  Worried now they had gotten the wrong impression, Sara walked slowly toward the barns. She was almost there when Murphy rode up on an enormous black horse, towing a docile-looking gray mare. He dismounted with the grace of a man born in the saddle.

  With mounting tension, Sara allowed him to help her into the saddle.

  He handed her the reins and gave her a crash course in riding. “Generally, Maude will follow along without fail, so just sit back and relax,” Murphy instructed, looking up at her from where he stood beside her leg.

  “Relax?” Sara repeated in dismay. She felt awkward and uncomfortable. She was a long way from the ground and had no control over the animal beneath her. Relaxed was the last thing she felt.

  Murphy laid a hand on her thigh and she jumped. His touch only made her more nervous because it burned through the denim of her jeans.

  “I won’t let anything happen to you. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”

  Sara took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  Murphy swung into the saddle. Her horse suddenly started moving and Sara grabbed the saddle horn to stay seated. She held on for dear life and prayed the animal was as gentle as Alice said.

  Murphy led the way through a lush pasture and began following the fence line. Sara eventually relaxed and breathed in the cedar- and sage-scented air. The land around her seemed to stretch for miles, the sky above her so blue it hurt her eyes. She soon forgot her fear of the animal beneath her and was photographing scenery in her mind to draw later. It was beautiful and wild and rugged out here. Like Murphy. He was in his element and it made her realize how different they were. He had everything she wanted and he’d turned it away.

  An hour later, stiff as a board and suffering friction sores on the inside of her thighs and knees, she longed to feel terra firma beneath her feet.

  Blessedly, ten minutes later Murphy swung down from his horse to inspect a downed fence. Her horse halted of its own accord, thank goodness, because she had no idea how to get the animal to stop. She bit down on her lip and tried to figure out which side to get off. Murphy must have realized her dilemma because he strode over, gripped her waist and lifted her out of the saddle. When her feet touched the ground, Sara let out a groan as muscles protested. She gripped Murphy’s arms and used him for support until her muscles decided to work again.

  “You didn’t tell me riding would cripple me,” she said with a small, embarrassed smile.

  “It takes some getting used to.”

  She worked the cramps out of her calves and straightened so she could look up and meet Murphy’s eyes. His hands were still on her waist, holding her upright.

  “I think I can stand on my own now,” she murmured at the same time her fingers curled around the muscles in his forearms.

  Murphy didn’t let her go like she expected. His arms slipped around her waist and hauled her against him. Her stomach flip-flopped and her throat went dry. She had almost forgotten how good he felt, all muscle and strength.

  “What the hell are you doing to me?” he growled, seconds before he claimed her lips.

  Sara melted beneath his kiss. She wanted this, missed this. At night she lay awake dreaming about Murphy’s kisses but they were nothing compared to the real thing.

  Her arms slipped around his neck at the same time
he lifted her off the ground and nestled her against him. They fit together like pieces of a puzzle and Sara felt the Earth tilting around her. Murphy’s tongue slipped past her lips and stroked her to madness. The uncontrollable urge to let loose drove her to lift her protesting legs and wrap them around Murphy’s waist. She’d never felt these urges with Kent. Murphy did something to her that she had no control over.

  The kiss turned demanding. Hungry. Sara held on tight as Murphy made love to her mouth. She had to have everything he was willing to give her. If it was only one time, she would take it and make it last a lifetime, because she never wanted to let him go.

  Murphy walked backward. He took the rolled blanket from his saddle and spread it haphazardly on the ground. She smiled against his mouth and sighed when he lowered himself on top of her.

  “Oh, Murphy,” she murmured, working the buttons of his shirt.

  “You drive me crazy.” He lifted her so he could pull her shirt off and toss it aside.

  “I’m not sorry for that.”

  He removed her bra and tossed it aside, then let out a groan when he looked at her. “God, you’re beautiful,” he breathed. “If you want to stop this you better do it now. Once I touch you, I’m not going to be able to stop.”

  Sara cupped his cheek. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

  He met her eyes with a fierceness that had her squirming beneath him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Her face burned. She wasn’t sure how they were going to fit together either; he was much bigger than Kent and she’d had a hard time with him.

  “I can live with a little…discomfort.”

  Something flickered in his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “What then?”

  “I’m not the man you’re looking for, Sara.”

  “I’m not looking.”

  His eyes darkened as she finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off his muscular shoulders.

  “There’s something else.”

  She frowned at the seriousness of his tone. “Talk to me,” she urged.

  “I haven’t been with anyone in over two years.”

  “Okay, so you’re clean. Me too, it’s been five for me.” She lifted up to press a kiss to his chest.

  “I’m sterile.”

  Sara froze. “Oh, my God, what happened?”

  “Sure you want to hear this now?”

  Settling back against the blanket, she urged him down beside her. Then she curled into his side and placed a hand over his heart.

  “Now is a perfect time,” she said and waited.

  He released a deep shuddering breath. “Fifteen months ago I was sent into Azbakastan on a covert, deep reconnaissance mission. That mission was compromised when I went to the aid of a woman being beaten in the street by her husband, who happened to be a member of the organization I was gathering info on. He would have beaten her to death if I hadn’t intervened. I was taken hostage for my efforts. Once the terrorist group discovered I was an American soldier, they put me in a six-by-six wooden cage and kept me there for nine months.”

  Sara felt tears well in her eyes. He was telling her his story, the reason behind the nightmares and scars. It meant more to her than she could admit. At the same time, her heart broke.

  “They tortured me for nine months, moving me from one location to another to prevent the Army from finding me. But I knew the Rangers would find me. We lived by a strict code and leaving a man behind was not part of it. I just had to be patient and stick it out.”

  Sara buried her face in his chest. “And you did, didn’t you? You endured for nine months until they found you?”

  He went tense beside her and she knew the worst part was yet to come. She wrapped her arms around him and waited for him to continue.

  “They tortured, starved, administered psych ops, but never broke me. They used every method they had to get me to tell them what they wanted to know, but I never betrayed my country until the ninth month when the bastards brought in the first girl.”

  Sara felt his pain as if it were her own. She knew she wasn’t going to like what came next and tried to brace herself for it.

  “They raped and beat her in front of me and told me that if I didn’t tell them what they wanted to know, then they would bring a girl every hour and do the same.”

  Sara bit down on a sob and waited silently for him to finish. She couldn’t imagine what that had been like, and she hated the men who’d done those horrible acts. She had a feeling she knew what Murphy was going to say. He wouldn’t let them hurt any more girls.

  “I cracked,” he said in an angry voice filled with anguish. “I was prepared to tell them everything in order to save those girls. I failed as a Ranger and as my father’s son when I gave them my name. I was about to give them more when my comrades found me and busted me out of there. From that moment on, I was finished.” Murphy’s voice had dropped to a painful whisper.

  “I was no longer fit to be a Ranger or a brother or a son. I betrayed country and family and I couldn’t live with that, so I bought a cabin in the mountains. The beatings I endured made me sterile. I can’t ever have children because of what they did to me.”

  Tears flowed down her cheeks. She cried for everything Murphy had endured and lost and for the girls who were being hurt over there. Now she knew why he couldn’t face his family. He believed he’d let them down when he gave up his name to save those girls, even though what he’d done was heroic. He’d saved those girls from a fate that would have destroyed their lives. He had endured more than any soldier should have to. His guilt was unwarranted. But not to him. He’d pushed his family away because he thought himself a failure. How wrong he was. Murphy held her and let her cry until there were no tears left, then he handed her bra and shirt and sat up to shrug back into his.

  Sitting up, she wrapped her arms around him from behind. “Are you sure? Did the doctors run tests?”

  “I told them not to bother. I already knew the answer. No one could survive that kind of trauma and not be affected.”

  Sara squeezed her eyes shut and pushed on. He had bared his soul to her and she wanted the rest of him. She needed to be part of him right now, and she wasn’t going to let him withdraw from her. They had been through too much to part like this.

  She pressed her lips to the back of his neck.

  Murphy’s hands stilled on the bottom button of his shirt.

  “Sara--”

  She wasn’t about to be deterred. “I need you, Murphy, and I think you need me too. Make love to me.”

  She sensed his hesitation and circled him until she straddled his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. She looped her arms around his neck and met his dark gaze.

  “Let’s not think about the past. Both of us have nightmares that we’ve had to live through. This is right. You are the man for me. Right now you’re the only one I want.”

  * * * *

  Murphy hadn’t meant to tell her everything. He’d wanted to scare her away, but Sara Sheldon turned out to be stronger than he’d expected. He hadn’t told anyone what he’d done in Azbakastan and oddly, he didn’t regret telling her. She didn’t judge him. He did enough of that himself. She took it rather well, considering the caliber of what she’d been told. It wasn’t every day a woman found out the man she was about to make love to had betrayed his country and family honor.

  She accepted people’s mistakes. She had seen some of the worst society had to offer and survived, as had he. They had that in common. She knew about living in the past. He would never go back to that place except in his nightmares, but Sara still lived hers. She was a prisoner as he had been. A prisoner of fear, with no end in sight. He could lay his past to rest once and for all by telling his family what he’d done and asking forgiveness. They would forgive, he knew, but that didn’t make it any easier.

  His arms slipped around Sara’s waist and he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, salty from her tears. This woman’s emotio
ns ran deep. She loved as fiercely as she lived and he no longer saw that as a weakness. It made Sara strong.

  When he pulled away she whispered, “I hate them, Murphy. I hate them for what they did to you and those girls.”

  Murphy knew at that moment he was lost. She didn’t pity him or judge him. She didn’t read anything else into what he’d told her. Her convictions were strong and she was truly an amazing woman. Her faith humbled him.

  For the first time in a long time, he felt free. He had a few things to do before he could be completely free of his past, but he finally felt like facing them. And he owed it to the woman scowling at him with tears shining in her bright blue eyes. A woman who had stumbled into his life and turned it upside down.

  “Me too, sweetheart,” he murmured.

  She traced the scar on his face. “This is a symbol of everything that is good, Murphy. We can never forget what goes on around us and how lucky we are to have what we have. We can’t forget what’s important.”

  Family. Forgiveness. Life.

  “We won’t,” he assured her and kissed her again.

  He lowered her to the blanket and shrugged out of his shirt. He had never wanted a woman like he wanted her. This was more than just sex. When he looked into her eyes, he knew it was true for her too.

  She hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, and he doubted her husband had taken the time to cherish her as a woman should be. He was determined to go slow and make it good for her. Sara had been robbed of so much in her marriage, he wasn’t going to deny her this one thing. The least he could do for the woman who brought him back to life and showed him just how wrong he’d been to close himself off from the family who loved him. She deserved that much from him.

  * * * *

  Sara was drowning in sensation. Murphy’s mouth traveled down her neck with the patience of a saint. Everywhere his lips and tongue touched, she broke out in goose flesh and her skin heated.